am i getting the blues?

i tot i wont be getting it since it's my second child. i was in fact confident tat he wld nt let me get it... i was wrong. no doubt he was more concern about lavigne and will help me change her diapers and feeds... i m still getting bouts of it occassionally. =(
today, i m supposed to go to LV hilton for their xmas party... and also to buy his xmas pressie. ashton fell sick, vomitting n diarrhoea... i couldn't go. he leh... might as well, could come back to take us to the doc.. ask me to ask my bro. haiz...
i felt so burdened... coz i feel he din care. i sensed jealousy in ashton.. he's getting more defensive and rude.. he must have felt tat we loved lavigne more. no... i love u all the same, ashton... u're my first born and how can i nt love you? i nursed u since the day u were born u noe? well, his father came home late... very late. last min then inform me tat he's having dinner wif his customer. true or not.. i m too tired to find out. or was he out wif the guys drinking?
all the full mth celebration... seems to be only me preparing for it. coz i couldn't wait for lavigne to be a mth old... so tat i could get out of the house! he came back late... din reply to my sms.. din ans my calls etc. i was damn pissed... and felt the blues setting in...
i m at the same time worried too... i tot i felt the bump on ashton's head.
going to check his head out again.. =/
for the next few posts... dun think will have anything good to blog about. read if u wan to... otherwise, keep yr blardy mouth shut. yes, i dun take negative comments nw... thanks.